


Letting Go of Forever

by astralfreckles



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, F/M, Friends With Benefits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 13:58:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7271080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astralfreckles/pseuds/astralfreckles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Farkle welcomes the fresh air on his face as the breeze comes into the room. It feels like her touch, and it brings him back to that weekend, that Sunday morning. It’s the one he wishes he could have frozen in time, the one he’ll never be able to forget, and the one he’ll never be able to get back."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letting Go of Forever

**Author's Note:**

> Happy endings are never guaranteed. One day, you might realize that someone is everything you have ever wanted, and that’s so terrifying that you would rather avoid it than face it. Or sometimes, you can be so helplessly in love with someone that you don’t know what to do with yourself, and if they don't love you back, you might never be able to totally get over it.
> 
> This story is based off of the narrative that’s told in the song "Remembering Sunday" by All Time Low. I suggest listening to it to understand how I formed the story from the lyrics! A huge shout out to @riarklequeens on Tumblr for always giving me inspiration and for the playlist [here](https://play.spotify.com/user/dxrk.hxxrts/playlist/5jI5XWHCMcn2FSOFp8VV0a?play=true&utm_source=open.spotify.com&utm_medium=open) that inspired this fic. Go check it out because it’s fantastic!

Reconnecting after being distant for so long is a funny thing, and Riley and Farkle learn this when they reconnect after not communicating for a year. Senior year of college was fast-paced, so it ended up being a year of missed communication, bad timing, and busy schedules for the two of them. Those are just excuses, though. The lack of communication might also be due to confusing, unresolved feelings and attempts to keep their distance.

It wasn’t only them. Most of the friends in their group lost touch with each other. They never thought it would happen, but when it actually did, it didn’t seem as sad as they thought. It seemed inevitable.

Farkle is the one to contact Riley first. He goes back and forth in his head about a dozen times trying to decide if he should actually call her or not. He does eventually build up the courage to do it, and as he’s sitting there waiting for her to pick up the phone, he closes his eyes and hopes that he didn’t make a hasty decision. But then Riley picks up, and he forgot how good it is to hear her voice. He finds comfort in talking with her because it feels like she’s the only lifeline he has right now to their past lives.

On a Saturday night, they meet to catch up over dinner and drinks by Riley’s apartment in New York City.

As they wait for their food to arrive, Farkle muses, “I can’t believe we’re actually here, doing this right now."

“What do you mean?” Riley asks. His words catch her off guard.

“I mean, who would have thought that the two of us would still be talking to each other.”

“You say that as if you expected we wouldn’t be.”

The alcohol in his bloodstream is giving him confidence he didn’t know he had. The words just seem to flow out. “Riley, let’s be honest. I think you and I both know there was a reason we didn’t talk to each other for a while.”

“Are you referring to all of those unspoken feelings we used to have for each other?” she says bluntly.

 _For each other?_ Farkle repeats in his head, trying to take in the new information that, yes, Riley Matthews did indeed reciprocate those feelings he had for her back then.

The conversation is disrupted as the server brings their food to the table. They continue talking, but now it’s only light conversation filled with nostalgia. It might be Farkle’s imagination, or it might be the alcohol, but he swears that Riley’s flirting with him. He catches her, on more than one occasion, staring as he takes a sip from his drink. At one point, Riley doesn’t hesitate to reach across the table and outright steal his drink, taking a sip from it like it’s no big deal. Her movements are delicate but bold, and her hand is soft as it deliberately grazes his every few minutes. He can’t remember if they were always this close, or if this is something new.

He never comes up with an answer, even as they’re walking back to her place, and Farkle stops thinking about it altogether when they reach the entranceway to Riley’s apartment building. Maybe it’s the buzz of the alcohol, or maybe it’s the ambiance being created by the bright street lights and the sound of a guitar being played a block away. Whatever it is, it makes Riley grab Farkle’s hand and lead him up the stairs to her apartment.

Riley fiddles with the key for a minute and then lightly pushes her door open. Once they’re inside, Farkle takes off his shoes. Riley tugs on his jacket, but she pulls too hard, making Farkle fall down to the floor. She starts laughing as she throws both of their jackets on the living room couch, and then she joins him on the floor. Her laugh has always been contagious, so as she’s taking off her heels, he laughs along with her.

Farkle takes a minute to look around while she’s distracted by her heels. They’ve both grown up a lot, but evidence of their past selves still lingers within her apartment. Some of Maya’s paintings are displayed on the walls, there’s a model of Pluto next to the television, and purple flowers are set in the middle of her kitchen table.

As nice as those things are, he remembers that he should stay focused on the current situation. It’s just the two of them in Riley’s apartment. They’re a little bit tipsy from the drinks they had, and if he’s being honest, a little bit drunk off of each other.

With a serious face, Farkle asks, “Riley, what are we doing?”

She slowly turns her head to look at her bedroom door and then back at Farkle, hoping he will catch on. She moves closer to him, so close that he can still smell the sweet scent of lemon and sugar from the drink she ordered. She puts her hand on his chin, lovingly but also firm like she knows what she wants.  
  
“Haven’t you ever wanted to know?” Riley whispers. The flirtatious tone has been dropped from her words, now replaced by a hint of curiosity and, if Farkle had to guess, lust. Her words go straight to his stomach where butterflies are forming. He allows himself a quick glance toward her bedroom door.

He has. Oh god, he has thought about it more times than he wants to admit, and it reminds him of their discussion about unspoken feelings at the restaurant. His answer is immediately clear to him, but he speaks with caution because this seems too good to be true. He promises himself it will be just this one time.

“Just this once. Let’s find out,” he says as he stands up and reaches for her hand. She grabs on to it and he helps pull her off of the floor. “Lead the way,” he finishes, and so she entwines their fingers and walks him to her bedroom.

But as they move together later with heavy breaths and quiet gasps, Farkle makes the mistake of looking directly into Riley’s eyes. He sees everything he’s ever wanted reflected in them. And he realizes he doesn’t want just once.

He wants forever.

\----------

Farkle wakes up with his arms wrapped around Riley’s waist and his face nuzzled into the back of her neck. At first, his brain doesn’t let him believe it’s real, but then he can feel her skin warm against his. He wraps his leg around hers and presses closer into her with a content sigh. He hears Riley let out a breath and feels her fingers teasingly move up and down his leg.

“We can just lie here forever, right?” Riley mumbles.

“I would stop time for us if I could,” he replies. He wonders if she catches on to the absolute sincerity of his words.

After they begrudgingly get out of bed, Riley takes them to a little breakfast bistro she likes. Farkle sits across from her at the small table. She looks adorably disheveled from the lack of sleep, and it can be seen by the way her hair is in a messy bun and how she’s wearing his t-shirt under her jacket. He watches as she sips her tea, and in that moment he knows that this is the girl he wants to marry. This is who he wants to be with for the rest of his life.

“What will you have, miss?” the waitress asks as she approaches the table, but Farkle cuts in before Riley even has a chance to speak.

“She’ll have two sunny side up eggs and wheat toast with blackberry jam. And I’ll have mine scrambled. Thanks.” He turns back to look at Riley and doesn’t expect to see her so surprised.

“How did you know my favorite type of jam?” Riley asks.

“I’ve know you since we were seven. I sat next to you at your parent’s table for breakfast more times than I can count. Of course I remember it, Riley.”

“Yours is strawberry. I don’t know how I remember that, but I do.”

“It’s because we know each other.”

Riley doesn’t hear his words and keeps going, but now her voice carries a troubled tone. “Your favorite planet is Mars. Your favorite color is orange. I’ve always know these things. But now I also know your favorite place to be kissed is on your temple, and your favorite way to sleep is on your side with your arm tucked under your head. How is it possible that two people can know so much about each other?”

The answer is so obvious to him, so he doesn’t even think twice before he responds with his own question, “Have you ever thought that maybe we’re not _just two people_ , Riley?”

Her stare is piercing as she takes in those words, and she continues to stare at him even as the waitress comes with their food. Riley’s plate is placed in front of her, and Farkle unconsciously hands her a knife because he knows she likes to cut her toast into silly shapes before she eats it. Riley takes the knife, understanding his gesture and giving him a half smile in return. Farkle looks down at his eggs and moves them around with his fork more than he actually eats them. He thinks if they did get married, he would make much better eggs for them.

When they’re done eating, Farkle tells Riley he should get going because he has work the next day, but she convinces him to do one more thing before he leaves.

They walk for a few blocks until they get to a small park, and Riley insists he stays a few minutes more. So he does, and they walk around the park together. They talk about what the coming week will be like for them and how their jobs are going. It’s a light, safe conversation.

When they get back around to the entrance of the park, Farkle kisses Riley’s cheek and tells her to keep his shirt. He makes the excuse that it looks better on her, but really he just loves the idea of her having something of his. He says goodbye and starts to turn around, but he feels Riley grab his wrist and turn him back around. She pulls him toward her and kisses him like she’s desperate to memorize the feeling of his lips on hers. It takes his breath away, and even the night before doesn’t compare to it. Farkle kisses her with the same amount of force, wanting the memory of this to last for a long time.

When they part, Riley doesn’t linger. She whispers goodbye and walks past him to leave the park. He should have picked up on it then, but it wasn’t until much later that he realized it was a way for her to give him a final farewell.

\---------

It’s been a month and he hasn’t heard from her. He shouldn’t have expected that things would totally change. After all, Farkle regrettably reminds himself that they did agree on a one-time deal. But he dreams about her all the time, and in those dreams he breaks that promise they made because they’re filled with images of her long legs and smooth lips. His mind replays the night they were together over and over again.

One night it feels too real. He wakes up with a start and tries to calm his shaking, but when he looks to the empty side of his bed, he feels as if Riley was just sleeping next to him, smiling in front of him, _moving under him_. Even though it’s two in the morning, he decides get out of bed and make a cup of tea.

He’s sitting at his kitchen table alone, fidgeting with his phone for a good ten minutes before he picks it up and calls Riley.

“Farkle?” Riley mumbles. Her voice is filled with confusion and exhaustion.

“Hey, Riley. I’m sorry, I know it’s late and you’re probably sleeping, but-“

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. But what about you, Riley? I haven’t heard from you.”

There’s a pause, and he thinks he hears her sigh before she says, “I know. I’m sorry.”

He can tell from her voice that she lacks sincerity, and he can feel himself starting to get upset. “It’s not about being sorry or not, Riley. What I want to know is why you’re avoiding me.”

She replies with indifference, “Farkle, I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what?” he snaps.

“ _This_. This conversation.”

Her raised voice is surprising to Farkle, and he doesn’t understand where this is all coming from. “Riley, I know we made that stupid promise. We said it would only happen once, but I can’t live with that. We work so perfectly together. Even after a year of not seeing each other, everything just fell into place so easily for us. How can we ignore that?”

“Don’t you dare get my hopes up, Farkle Minkus. I can’t believe that. I can’t _let myself_ believe that. Nothing is ever truly that perfect, and nothing can last forever, especially something that good. And even if it could, I would probably never be able to let go of my doubt, so I would end up destroying it myself.”

He feels like she’s speaking a language he doesn’t understand at all. She’s not making sense and her words are full of hopelessness, something he’s never known her to have.

He wants to ask for her to explain, but before he can say anything else, she says, “Farkle, I have to go. Goodnight.” He leaves the phone up to his ear for a few seconds, listening to the silence on the other end after she hangs up.

He sits there going through ever possible situation in his head to convince himself that this isn’t over. Maybe she was tired. He did call her in the middle of the night. Maybe she had a bad day and went to sleep thinking about it.

Truly believing there is still hope, he calls her again a few days later. He calls in the morning and then after dinner. He calls before going to sleep. He calls every day for a week, but she doesn’t pick up her phone anymore. He finally gives up one Friday night, tossing his phone to the side and shoving his face into his pillow.  
  
\---------

Months later he gives in and calls Maya, because of course Maya and Riley are still close. He asks Maya if she’s seen Riley. He needs something to keep him going. He needs to know if she’s okay, and he wants so desperately to know if she’s mentioned him at all. He tells Maya what happened when he and Riley talked last, and Maya does her best to explain Riley’s reaction.

Farkle learns that Riley had been madly in love with a guy toward the end of her senior year in college. She put all of herself into the relationship, but when he cheated on her, she threw away so many things once precious to her. Her hope, her belief in love, and her trust were all shattered. She never fully picked up the pieces and put them back together again.

Maya goes quiet before letting Farkle know one more thing. She tells him that she has seen Riley, and that she’s okay. She’s living with a new guy now and they’ve been dating for a while. Maya says that she’s happy, but her somber voice tells a different story. She tells Farkle’s to let her go and to move on.  
  
Before Maya hangs up, she tells Farkle something that he will never understand no matter how many times he repeats the words to himself.

“Farkle, you were everything she wanted. She knew you would make her happy for the rest of her life. That _terrified_ her. How could someone who is so damaged let herself believe that? It was too real for her.”

Even after he hangs up the phone, the words haunt him, echoing over and over in his head.

_It was too real. It was too real. It was too real._

\---------

A year after Farkle’s conversation with Maya, he stands at an open window in his bedroom. He welcomes the fresh air on his face as the breeze comes into the room. It feels like her touch, and it brings him back to that weekend, that Sunday morning. It’s the one he wishes he could have frozen in time, the one he’ll never be able to forget, and the one he’ll never be able to get back.

He remembers her smile and her laugh and the way she talked about her life over dinner. He remembers her soft sheets and the feeling of her skin. He remembers the effortless conversation in the park and the breathtaking kiss she left him with.

Then his mind brings him back further, and he remembers them riding their bikes together when they were ten, and her lying in the hospital bed when she got her tonsils out. He remembers a study session they had during freshman year of college where they both fell asleep on their textbooks because they were so tired. And when they woke up, their faces were inches apart. They both waited for the other to make the tiniest movement to connect their lips, but it never happened.

He falls to his knees on his bedroom floor, feeling light headed and overwhelmed. Their memories, _their lives_ are so intertwined.

He’ll always have these memories, but he’ll never have her.


End file.
